?’?????€?????‹ ?? ???‚???µ?‚?‹: questions and answers
Over 100 years ago, Mark Twain wrote a very funny piece called "English As She is Taught," which chronicles American schoolchildren's hilarious misapprehensions about the world, science and literature.
Some of them are clever in a wrong sort of way: capillary is defined as "a little caterpillar" and mendacious is "what can be mended." Some are very confused: "The two most famous volcanoes of Europe are Sodom and Gomorrah." And one or two are so wrong they're almost right: "The United States is quite a small country compared with some other countrys but is about as industrious."
Since then, it seems like trumpeting American ignorance has become something of a national tradition, like the annual poll that shows about one-third of the population has no idea who the vice president is.
My Russian friends have always been a bit smug about this — and rightfully so. The Soviet school system had many drawbacks, but it was pretty good at getting basic facts into kids' heads.
But times change. A compilation of answers on a recent ?•???????‹?? ???????????°?€???‚???µ?????‹?? ?????·?°???µ?? (nationwide college-entrance exam) that has been making the rounds on the Internet indicates that some Russian kids may be doing texting during class instead of paying attention to history lessons. But their creativity — linguistic and interpretative — would make Twain proud.
For example, one kid writes, ???€?? ?????°???µ ?“?€???·?????? ???€???????…???????»?? ?????????€?µ???µ?????µ ?????°???????‹???»???? ?????‚?µ?? ?????€?€?????†???? (Under Ivan the Terrible, opposing views were put down through the use of corruption). Another clearly sees the present in the past: ?????°?? ?“?€???·???‹?? ???±???» ???????????… ???»?????‚?µ?»?????‹?… ?±???·???µ?????µ??????, ???µ???°???????… ?µ???? ?????€?°???»???‚?? ???????????°?€???‚?????? (Ivan the Terrible killed a lot of influential businessmen who were preventing him from governing the state).
Some showed great use of figurative language: ???€?? ?•???°?‚?µ?€?????µ II ???‚?€?°???° ???????€?‹?»?°???? ?????????µ?€?????‚?µ?‚?°???? (Under Catherine the Great, the country became covered with universities). ?????° ???µ?????»?° ?„?°?????€???‚???? ???°?? ?????»?????‚???? (She changed her favorites like pantyhose).
Others had some issues with word choice, something I sympathize with: ?’ ???????µ?‚???????… ???????»?°?… ???µ?‚?? ?±?‹?»?? ???°?? ?????????±?°?‚???€?‹ — ?? ?????… ?????‘ ?±?‹?»?? ?????????°?????????µ (In Soviet schools, children were like incubators, they all had the same things). ?’?€?°?????? ???????µ?‚???????? ???»?°???‚?? ???°?·?‹???°?»?? ???????????µ???‚?°????. ?”?????????µ???‚???????µ ???????¶?µ?????µ ?€?????»?? ?? ?????€???»?????? (Enemies of Soviet power were called dividents. The divident movement grew and spread.) ?•?»???†???? ???????‰?µ???‚???»???» ?????»???‚?????? ???°?????????? ?‚?µ?€?°?????? (Yeltsin carried out a policy of step-by-step therapy).
But you have to applaud some of their logic: ?‘???»?????µ???????? ?»?????????????€?????°?»?? ???µ???€?°?????‚???????‚?? ???»?? ???±?»?µ???‡?µ?????? ?†?µ???·???€?‹. ?’?µ???? ???°?? ?????¶???? ?†?µ???·???€???€?????°?‚?? ???µ???€?°?????‚???????‚??? ???????°??. (The Bolsheviks liquidated illiteracy to make censorship easier. Because how can you censor illiteracy? You can't.)
Kids knew that Yeltsin was important, but they were a bit shaky on why: ?•?»???†???? ?±?‹?» ???µ?€???‹?? ???€?µ?·?????µ???‚???? ??????? (Yeltsin was the first president of the U.S.S.R.). ?•?»???†???? — ???µ?€???‹?? ???€?µ?·?????µ???‚ ?????“ (Yeltsin was the first president of the CIS). ?•?»???†???? ?????·???°?» ???°?€?‚???? ?•???????°?? ? ?????????? (Boris Yeltsin founded the United Russia party).
And then one kid was philosophical beyond his years: ?—?°???????‡???»?????? ?????‘, ???°?? ???±?‹?‡???? ?? ? ??????????: ?±?µ?·?·?°?????????????? ???»?°???‚?? ?? ???µ???????‚?°?‚?????? ???€???????????»?????‚?????? (It all ended like it always does in Russia: with the lawlessness of the authorities and food deficits).
I hope that kid passed with flying colors.
Michele A. Berdy, a Moscow-based translator and interpreter, is author of "The Russian Word's Worth" (Glas), a collection of her columns.
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