?—???€á?????‚???????‚?µ!: Puh-lease!
Most of the time when America comes up in the Russian news or conversations these days, it's not in a nice way. There is an accusation, a slur, or a wild claim. I mean, these days if a cat got hit by a KamAZ in Kazan, it's Barack Obama's fault.
But here's the small linguistic light at the end of the dark tunnel of snark: an expression about America that's, well, okay. It's snarky, but it's not snarky about the U.S. Amazing.
And it's a very handy phrase to know, simple in construction and pleasant on the tongue: ???‚???€?‹???°?‚?? ?????µ?€?????? (to discover America). Sometimes it's just a statement of fact that means what it says: ???‚?°?»?????????????? ?????‚?µ???µ???‚???µ???????? ???°?€???? ?????»?? ?????? ???‚???€?‹?‚?? ?????µ?€?????? ?·?° ?????° ???‚???»?µ?‚???? ???? ???€?????‚???„???€?° ?????»?????±?° (The Italian explorer Marco Polo might have discovered America two centuries before Christopher Columbus.)
Or it's a bit jokey, like this sign in a travel agency: ???‚???€?‹???°?µ?? ?????µ?€??????! ?????»?µ?·???°?? ?? ?·?°???????°?‚?µ?»?????°?? ?????„???€???°?†???? ???? ???µ???µ?€?????? ?????µ?€?????µ (Let's discover America! Useful and entertaining information about North America.) Or like this plea: ?????¶?µ?‚ ?±?‹?‚??, ?????µ???‚?? ?‚??????, ?‡?‚?? ?±?‹ ???‚???€?‹???°?‚?? ?????µ?€?????? ?? ???€?????????‹???°?‚?? ???????‹?µ ???€?????€?°?????‹, ???‚?????‚ ???·???‚?? ???‚?°?€?‹?µ ?? ?‡???‚??-?‡???‚?? ?????????€?µ???µ?????‚??? (Maybe instead of discovering America and thinking up new programs, it makes sense to take something old and update it a bit?)
This discovery of a new world can even be a bit romantic: ?’?»???±?»?µ?????‹?µ ???‚???€?‹???°?»?? ???»?? ???µ?±?? ? ????, ???°?? ?????»?????± ?????????°-?‚?? ???‚???€?‹???°?» ?????µ?€?????? (The lovers discovered Rome the way Columbus once discovered America.)
But most of the time, since America's already been discovered, it's a snarky way of saying: you're saying or doing something that's already been said or done a million times before you, what English speakers call reinventing the wheel.
Here's a guy who goofed: ?? ???·???±?€?‘?» ?????????»?????·?????‹?? ???????»???€. ?? ?‡?µ?€?µ?· ?????‚???°???†?°?‚?? ?»?µ?‚ ?? ???·???°?», ?‡?‚?? ?‚???‡???? ?‚?°?????? ???????»???€ ???¶?µ ?±?‹?» ???·???±?€?µ?‚?‘?? ?? ?????????°?? ?????»???µ???° ???°?·?°??. ?????°?·?‹???°?µ?‚????, ?????µ?€?????? ???‚???€?‹?». (I invented a single-lens eyepiece. But 15 years later I found out that exactly the same eyepiece that I invented had been invented and described 50 years before. I had reinvented the wheel.)
But most of the time you don't use the phrase to admit your own failure. Your friends, family and colleagues use it to point out how behind the times you are. A good way to sneer is: "?????¶?µ ?????µ, ???‚???€?‹?» ?????µ?€??????!" In English this might be a few words dipped in sarcasm: That's all you've got? You're about a century late.
Since this is usually what English speakers call reinventing the wheel, you can also just say something like that in Russian: ???·???±?€?µ?‚?°?‚?? ???µ?»?????????µ?? (to invent the bicycle). ???? ?????‚?€?????????? ???????‹??, ???€?????????°?µ?‚ ?‡?‚??-?????±??????, ?° ?????°?¶?µ?‚????, ???µ?»?????????µ?? ???·???±?€?‘?» — ?????‘ ???‚?? ???°?????‹??-???°?????? ???€?????????°???? (He's a new employee, so he comes up with an idea and it turns out that he just reinvented the wheel ?€” everything had been invented ages ago.)
If all of this is too hard to remember, you can resort to one of the first words you learned in Russian: ?—???€?°?????‚???????‚?µ (hello). Here tone is crucial. Say it with deadpan or a sigh of exasperation and it means: You just figured that out? So when your significant has been driving in circles and finally suggests asking for directions, all you have to say is: ?—???€?°?????‚???????‚?µ! Translation: Hellloooo! What have I been telling you for the last two hours?
Michele A. Berdy, a Moscow-based translator and interpreter, is author of "The Russian Word's Worth" (Glas), a collection of her columns.
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